I forgot who I am. I forgot about the existence of my real self. I was swallowed into a sea of external existence, giving myself into what other walking creatures demanded. I tried to comply, to fit into a hole that wasn’t shaped for me, so I obviously broke. I lost some pieces in the process, the most important ones, but somehow I didn’t even notice. How?
I was distracted by the soft silk in their voices and all the shiny sparks on their skin. I was taken from my own space, but I am to blame, and no one else. I think I wanted another self, not realizing how necessary my true being was. And I was on the right track, until I got lost into the forest of a foreign heartbeat.
I forgot about my strenght, I forgot about the light I carry within me. I forgot my own words, my own points of view, all of my lessons. I put it all On hold, pretending it was part of the process… And somehow it was.
We think we understand some things, until we realise… We didn’t understand shit. I thought I had been lost before, and therefore I could relate to the “I finally found myself” feeling. But no, I didn’t know what this “self” actually was, so I didn’t know what I was supposed to find. I wasn’t sure at all. I was just wandering around, not knowing where I came from, or where to go next, hence the feeling lost.
I was never really lost, so I never actually found myself. I was becoming myself. But like a fish in the water, I didn’t even realise what I was swiming in.
I think, now I understand it better. I think, I did lose myself this time. I had me, and then I didn’t have me anymore, I don’t really know who took over. But I would like to change my point of view on this right now.
Maybe I wasn’t actually lost from my path, I just took a detour. I took the longest road.
But now I need to come back home. And coming back home doesn’t mean turning around. It means finding the path again, so I can step on firm ground. This time knowing better what all of this inside of me means. What is the purpose of it. How to use it, and how to keep it, how to take care of it and nourish it.
Yes. I need to come back home. I need to come back to myself.
Picture from pixabay